Hello people,
Who feels like they completely fit into the world? I don't think I know anybody who could honestly say they always do, but the people who have most trouble fitting in are, surprise, surprise, the teenagers of the world.
Being a teenager in this society isn't easy, anyone could tell you that.
"Oh, she's just going through a difficult time at the moment." "You know that awkward age..." "Ah... teenagers, what can I say?"
Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.
The problem, as I see it, is that children, especially teenagers, are not trusted or respected in this all powerful western society.
"He's just a kid/teenager. what could he know?" "I'm doing what's best for you dear." "You are too young to know what you want."
Grace Llewellyn an ex teacher turned revolutionary writer for young people everywhere has this to say about teenage freedom in her book 'The teenage liberation handbook, how to quit school and get a real life and education'...
"If you've ever read any anthropology, you've noticed that primal cultures simmer up all of their mystery and magic and power and ask their teenagers to drink deeply."
"All over the planet, traditional cultures provide various ritual experiences to adolescents, bringing them into contact with the deepest parts of themselves and their heritage."
"There is danger and pain as well as Beauty and exultation, in some of these traditional ways of initiating people into adulthood."
"What do you get instead of vision? You get school - and all the blind passivity and grey monotone it trains into you. For an institution to ask you, during some of your most magical years, to sit still and be good and read quietly for six or more hours each day is barely thinkable, let alone tolerable."
So we children are being restricted by social convention to ignore our imagination and creativity as "silly" and "childish" as if childish is a bad thing. If you have read this blog before you probably already know that I am an unschooled free thinking teenager with a lot of passion on this subject but if not let me just warn you that I may be a little biased towards the rightful freedom of young people across the globe. (just warning you now :)
It is important to remember that children are literally little people. They are not stupid or particularly naïve, the only thing they lack is time and that makes them just as reliable, trustworthy and responsible as adults.
I'm not saying that we should start letting seven year olds make laws but be realistic, if we treated an adult the way people treat children every day it would be a violation of their human rights.
This brilliant article from 'The Natural Child Project' illustrates my point with accuracy and perfection and I hope you will read it with occasional enthusiastic whispered Yes's as I did.
http://www.naturalchild.org/pam_leo/respect.html
An extract says:
| "We often make the mistake of thinking that since children are smaller than we are and have less information and experience than we do, that they don't have all the same feelings we do. But they do. The same kind of treatment that would embarrass, humiliate or hurt us, embarrasses, humiliates and hurts children. When human beings are being hurt emotionally, our thinking shuts down. When our thinking is shut down we cannot learn, we can only record. When adults try to "teach" children by criticizing, lecturing, shaming, ridiculing, giving orders, screaming, threatening and hitting, it shuts down their thinking so they can't learn what the adult intended to teach them to do or not to do; they can only record what is being modelled. | |
| The most common criticism I hear of young people these days is, "They don't treat anyone or anything with respect." Ironically, adults often try to teach children to be respectful by treating them disrespectfully. Children learn respect or disrespect from how we treat them and how we treat each other. When children live with disrespect, they learn disrespect. We can teach respect only by modelling treating each other with respect and by giving children the same respect we expect." | |
'The Natural Child Project' website is a useful resource for information on 'Young Peoples Liberation' as I like to call it.
http://www.naturalchild.org/
Attachment parenting is another great resource to learn more about this
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/
This is an explanation of attachment parenting:
http://www.thehappyhippiehomemaker.com/p/attachment-parenting.html
The idea that a person has no control over the simplest things, when they go to the toilet, when and what they eat, what they wear, what they do, how they learn and even the people who control them, at least the rest of us have some semblance of a democracy.
I know many bright under 18 year olds who would love to vote (myself included) Many intelligent and self aware eight, nine and ten year olds who have a lot to say about the basic running of their lives. You only need to walk out onto the street to see small people who obviously didn't get a choice about what they are wearing, doing, and when they can play.
I'm not saying adults should encourage anarchy or neglect, I'm saying they should encourage creativity, responsibility and respect.
Lead from the front, do as you would be done by and lead by example are great ways of saying the same thing... Show your child respect and I can tell you from personal experience we will respond in kind. Show your child love and peace and friendship and they will not grow to disrespect or disregard you and your advice, we will respond in kind. Show your child the love and closeness you wish your mother had shown you and they, we, will respond to that as you might have.
Above all remember that we are individual people, just as adults are and we may do things you disagree with but short of jumping off cliffs and playing with wires, let us make our own mistakes and judge us for our ability to move beyond them, as you might an adult. Let us play all day because it is the gift of childhood that you will be giving us and in return we will love you as you cannot imagine being loved by anyone older than an infant entirely dependant on you for it's life.
I write this as not only a plea to other parents but as a tribute to my own who practiced these methods and who practice them still. I do respect my parents, they are my guides, my mentors, my givers of advice, my carers, my partners and my best friends.
(Thanks Mum and Dad)
I believe that the practice of successful parenting depends almost entirely on the practice of successful restraint. It is the biggest, hardest and yet most valuable gift you can give any child, I can tell you from my own experience, they will thank you for it every day.
It's not going to be all happy bunnies, especially not at first, but the results have been so effective for us and so many others, I cannot imagine my life any other way.
Autonomy and unschooling do not have to be done with home education, they can be done out of school hours too and I hope one day they will be, for everyone.
These books and websites will help you on your mission, should you choose to accept it...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Teenage-Liberation-Handbook-Education/dp/1862041040 (My personal favourite!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OkOQhXhsIE (A TED talk about being seventeen and how we are so easily disrespected and held back!)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Free-Range-Education-Home-Works-x/dp/1903458072 (The book that changed my mothers mind about home education.)
http://www.naturalchild.org/ (and just for luck 'The Natural Child Project' one more time to remind you of the best website for you to begin.)
http://www.amazon.com/The-Gentle-Art-Communicating-Kids/dp/0471039969 (Parenting book about respecting children)
http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/ (website for Summerhill school)
http://www.attachmentparenting.co.uk/ (Attachment parenting blog site)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jCYyXVQQPI (Youtube video with Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting)
Thank you to the parents and adults everywhere who already treat young people with respect, and thanks Mum and Dad for corrupting me into a free thinking individual. What a monster you have created.
Bye.
